cuuurtiiis*

ok-theres some things that i need to say--because if there's ever a good time to do it-now is.

after what i heard the other day-i don't know what the fuck to think. how to feel. i feel like you betrayed me. you lied to me for a year. i feel like i don't know who you are right now. we've come so far from what we were. and i don't want you to think i'm gonna turn back now. when i say i love you, it's cause i fuckin mean it. if anything could prove how down for you i am--it better be what jus happened. i can't believe you didn't tell me when it first started--i'm PISSED actually. you stabbed me in the back--and i don't know how else to take it. at first i was sad-and now i'm jus fuckin furious. i've never been in love, but i'm pretty sure this is it. this has GOT to be it. i come off as ruthless-and like i don't give a fuck-but there's one thing i know i care about-there's one thing i know can get me weak--and thats you. you are my motivation-you're my sanity. when you're not around-my world jus ain't right. when we fight, it's pretty fuckin bad. and it seems like its all we've been doin lately. i know i'm crazy--but i'm crazy for a reason-and it's so shit like this doesn't happen...cause if you know anything about me by now--i don't like lookin like a fool. for anybody else--this woulda been a wrap. but i'm gonna support you-and love you...if possible...even more. you're worth it to me. i'd fight for you-i'd kill for you. and i've never regretted a moment with you. you're amazing to me. but i jus wanna let you know that the shit you told me the other day made me SICK to my stomach. you did me real dirty-and it's gonna take a minute for me to move on from it. i want you to fix this so bad., and i know you don't know how--but figure it out., cause i dont wanna feel like this anymore.  i have so many questions that i'm not even tryna hear the answers to. i hope you feel like shit-cause that was a dick move. baby-- PLEASE MAKE THIS BETTER.

when you're around--my heart misses you. genuinely misses you. you make my heart smile-and you make me content with my life. there's no one else i would rather be with..than you. i can honestly say you complete me. so make this right. cause you will never find another chick as down as i am for you. and i mean that. cause you're my best friend and my man-and i don't wanna lose what we've built.

damn...i am so tired

cuurtiiis* came over last night. we had plans to go get ice cream or see a movie, get dinner...whatever. i called him 30 minutes after i was suppose to..jus to give him some time, and hes like 'oh, i forgot'. WOWWWW. thanks baby. he said he was really busy and had to help his mom out with some stuff. but when i called, i got his voicemail first--he was obviously in the studio. cause he was on his own voicemail droppin new beats/rhymes. WEIRD. fxckin liar. that's alright tho--i know better than to bug a man when he's in the studio. so i'm over it.

he came over anyway, brought my make up--but i left my face off for him. hahah. i love him.

so today @ work--OMG- i fucked up sooooo bad. a $2400 order. but i'm playin it off like it was the factory's fault. hopefully it gets resolved without me being figured out for it. kind of it was their fault though. so i'm not completely being a liar. hah.   i'm still pretty nervous tho.

umm--let's see, what else..i'm this close to getting the graphics girl fired. i'm not one to take attitude from people. never have been, don't think i ever will be. i don't give a fxck who you are--you don't respect me, i WILL speak on it, and i refuse to be talked to like i'm the idiot.

so i've let this girl vent and huff and puff and slam things around because she's frustrated...FINE. but it's coming to the last straw-and she's very lucky if all i do is get her fired. she's a grown woman, acting like a child with her 20 year old co-worker/"boss". not ok.

anyway-i guess i'ma go out to dinner with the bff tonight. that should be fun. her and i have a little bit to catch up on. even though we jus talked for an hour on the phone--there's more i'm sure. we haven't seen each other since friday.

awww-i jus realized how much i missed that crazy broad. hah.

i'm nervous--i gotta go see PO next wednesday..and i haven't paid 1 fxckin penny of restitution. i'll be really lucky if i don't get remanded. so i'ma get off early next monday to go pay like $600. hopefully it'll just look like i was "saving" up to pay a lump sum. i coulda saved up a lot more than that in 4 months tho...hah.

i'ma go get in the showaahhhh--

<3

 these 2 things are one in the same ______    ((this goes for all relationships, unfortunately))

just feelin kinda down lately. i don't like it. first; nick's dead, alex is gone, my mom and i aren't getting along. cuurtiiis* and i are tryin to work on things. i'm not getting paid nearly as much as i should for what i do at my job. [everything]

although, i did get us a $15 grand credit card order for us to run tomorrow or monday. and i got us $5 g's in credit cards today.  go me!

it makes my boss and i really happy to hear the credit card machine running. that would be his ringtone if he could.  

anywho--i'm feeling so emo--goddddd. that's how i use to be, just sad all the time. OVER IT. life is too short to be dwelling on sad/depressing things. can i get an AMEN?!

"If ya heart filled with faith then ya cant fear
Wonder how I face years and im still chillin
Easy,let go and let god deal wit it"

so me and the best friend were fighting cause she's effin lame sometimes-but she gave me bumper stickers on facebook as a push to reconcile our boyfriend/girlfriend relationship we have. what a sweetheart.

kk--well i guess i'm gonna go. i'll leave ya'll with this--a love tree.